Comments on: Fakin’ it

By: Jason D Barr

Jason D Barr — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:28:11 +0000

Awesome. It's all about changing your self-perception. Thanks, Jen.

By: carlsonjen

carlsonjen — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:06:59 +0000

Jason, I have felt like a fraud FOREVER! I'm 51 now and I still have a problem with confessing to others that I am terrified of being "found out" about 98% of the time. But the funny thing is that most of the things I have accomplished in my life (good family, wonderful 7-year-old son, reasonably good career) have been because I "act as IF" I am the person I want to project. And I become that person. People tell me I'm a good mom. I have very little frame of reference for being a proactive parent, so I am puzzled about how people make that decision. But then, I realize I act as if I were a good mother and 'lo and behold! I AM a good mother.

I have to say that part of this epiphany came just a year ago when, at the age of 50, I was diagnosed with severe Attention Deficit Disorder, Inattention type. My brain is just not wired to process things the same way my beloved spousal unit does. That's how I noticed it. We were both getting Master's Degrees in the same field. Spousal unit, the very picture of competence in all things, is churning out great papers and commentary, building a social network, making connections with colleagues. I am struggling from day 1. I knew something was up, but being diagnosed helped me make sense of what it was and how I could adjust my routines and behaviors to accommodate my own learning style. So, now I am acting as if I am a good student, confident in my abilities. And I FEEL more confident, more "in control."

I've come to the conclusion that, for me, there are always going to be lingering internal doubts about my self worth and abilities. But I can act as if I am comfortable with who I am and slowly, over time, those negative thoughts will be superseded by a new perception. Accept that you are the best you on the face of this planet and figure out how to cut yourself some slack while you try to get even better.

By: Nick

Nick — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:17:01 +0000

I think that's one of the first things that you have to realize when getting in to personal development. When you get in to developing personally. You have to realize up front that you aren't perfect. You are never going to be perfect. Its about the journey. It's about setting those goals to better yourself, and what it makes of you to try and achieve them. Its about the journey. Great post!

By: steve weaver

steve weaver — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:35:05 +0000

I'm almost 49 and still feel about 20 inside. Just saying you still feel younger on the inside than your actual age more often than not. I believe our "mental age" progresses slower as we get older but that's only my opinion.
I DO have 1 parenting tip: Talk to your kids like they are people, not mentally challenged, just not as educated. Talking down to people, no matter their age, comes across like you think you're omnipotent and closes ears to whatever you may be trying to share.

By: Tina

Tina — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 11:55:59 +0000

This is EXACTLY how I feel every day, thanks for posting it! Makes me feel better to know there are ways to get a handle on it, too.

By: Js Dixon

Js Dixon — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:20:38 +0000

I think everyone feels like that sometimes. I don't think our culture prepares us for the right views of humility, confidence, or pride, that we need to keep from feeling like that most of the time.

I love how you started out with just raw honesty in something that you were hurting on (and I've been hurting on too lately) and still turned it in to something both positive and helpful.

By: Jason D Barr

Jason D Barr — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:12:30 +0000

"Doesn't if feel like we're just playing house?"

Exactly!

By: Jason D Barr

Jason D Barr — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:12:02 +0000

Thanks, Marty! Good to hear from you.

By: Marty

Marty — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:05:36 +0000

This is a great post – and one of the reasons I love this blog. You post great stuff on personal development . . . then tie it back to reality.

Keep up the great work!

By: Livy

Livy — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:10:36 +0000

You're not alone. I've asked Tim before, "Doesn't if feel like we're just playing house?"

I love how you talk about "owning it". It's so true. . . the best way to stop fakin' it is to be real with yourself. Sounds easy, but it's not, right?