From the category archives:

Leadership

Responsibility

As I’ve mentioned previously, when I started this blog, it wasn’t really to garner a huge following.  Oh, sure:  in my crazy dreams I’d think about being a full-time blogger once in a while.  But, realistically, I started just as an outlet for some pent-up creativity.  I was using this platform to get some stuff off my chest and to work out issues I was struggling with.

When some people began reading the blog, I was very gratified.  I started writing consistently twice a week back in March of this year, so it’s been going for about 7 months now.  Start Being Your Best currently has a little over 400 subscribers.  I don’t talk about subscriber numbers much here because I don’t think it’s really relevant to what I’m doing.  I’m not looking to build a huge following/tribe/whatever right now.  I’m still looking at this as a location where I can write about things that I think about and are important to me.  The only thing that’s changed is that now I can get some feedback, suggestions and discussion that provokes more consideration on my part.

I want to THANK you all for that.  Your comments and discussion has been invaluable to me.

What’s struck me recently is that I’ve used the attention that I’ve garnered as something of a motivator to keep going.  I’ve created an obligation to you, my readers, that I will consistently post on the topics of self-improvement and leadership.

That’s a good thing.  I often need to feel like I’m accountable to someone in order to keep from slacking off.  I’m sure many of you feel the same way about things in your life, and are happy to have someone “check up on you” from time to time.

Here’s my question: how far do we take this “obligation situation”?  When you create an artificial sense of accountability (as opposed to, say, a parent’s duty to care for their children), how far do you go in order to keep that?

Let’s do a thought experiment, shall we?

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re writing a blog that a certain person relies on for their sole source of support and encouragement (This is PURELY HYPOTHETICAL.  I am unaware of anyone who views this particular blog in this manner).  Then let’s further assume that, for some reason, you decide it’s time for you to hang up your keyboard.  What you’re writing about (let’s keep it easy and say it was a personal development blog) is still relevant and helpful to you, but you’re just not interested in posting your thoughts any more in a public manner.

You quit posting, and in a couple of weeks, you start receiving some form of communication (emails, comments on old posts, whatever) from this one individual that indicates that your decision to stop blogging is negatively impacting their well-being.  Take that however you’d like.  They could be really bummed out about it, all the way down to emotionally distraught and perhaps a danger to themselves.

This person tells you that the fact that you’ve stopped blogging is what drove them to this state.  Furthermore, they assure you that things will get better if you just start writing again.

What’s your obligation here?

As people who are trying to become better, our obligation to our fellow humans is quite large.  I believe that we’re put here on this earth to show concern for others.  But what does that really mean?  Do we need to sacrifice every shred of our own desires in service to our fellow human beings, or are we only obligated to help others if it coincides with our own self-interest?  Or is the answer somewhere in between?

These types of commitments could obviously apply to a lot of situations (someone starts a business that has employees who would be adversely affected if that person sells the business, for instance).  But what do you think?  Are these “social contracts” that we create all the time by implication (you never promised to blog or own that business forever and ever, did you?) actual obligations?  I’d be interested to hear all of your comments here.

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Conversation

The most frequent comment I get from people who correspond to me is that the blog is “extremely personal”.  People enjoy the fact that I’m not setting myself up as some expert on the subjects of personal development and leadership, but that I just write from the heart about topics that I care about.  I’m just another traveler on the same journey as everyone else who reads this.

The funny thing is that I’m a fairly private person.  I definitely wouldn’t talk this much if we were together in real life.  I do tend to share a lot of things that I think and feel on this blog that I probably wouldn’t just tell you if we were talking face to face.

Is that a good thing?

Is the fact that so many people seem to appreciate that I “bare my soul” indicative of something more, or is it just curiosity?  Should I strive to share more of myself, not only with you readers, but with everyone whom I come into contact?

Can sharing more of who you are with the people around you help you in your personal development?  I think it can.

THE PROBLEM

People are social animals.  All of us need to be appreciated and understood for who we really are.  It’s just that who we really are is seldom seen by those people around us.

We tend to put up a front in all of our interactions with others.  Whether due to fear, or simply because we’ve been conditioned to do so, it’s hard for us to allow our true nature to come out.

I’ve known folks (I’m sure you have, as well) who act exactly as they feel.  It can be uncomfortable, can’t it?  If they’re naturally optimistic, cheery people, others describe them as fake and phony (irony!).  And, those who are cynical and irritable come off as jerks.

We who live in society have become so conditioned to people acting in a particular (often politically correct) way that any deviation from this norm bothers us.

But there are times when you want to quit lying, and to genuinely be who you are.  You want to make a personal connection with someone, without all the barriers in between.

How do we do it?

THE SOLUTION

You just do it.

You quit lying to yourself and to those around you about who you are on the inside.  You stop trying to fit in if you don’t.  You find a someone, or a group of someones, that allow you to be who you are.

But what about situations where it would be inappropriate to crack jokes, or get the giggles, or cry?  What if acting authentically could get you into trouble?  For example, don’t I need to “act professionally” in my business dealings?

First of all, those situations may be less frequent than you think.  You need to use your judgment to understand when those times are and when they aren’t.  You don’t have to assume it’s never a good time to let down your guard.

Secondly, there’s a difference between “acting professionally” and “being fake”.

Acting professionally falls under the umbrella of “things we do to live together in a society”.  If this means you need to tone down the part of you that’s offensive to other people (for whatever reason), so be it.  Save those times for when you’re around people who appreciate that side of you.  Or, just let it all hang out and see what kinds of people you attract.  You’ll drive some folks away, but there are others who will find your honesty refreshing and will be drawn to you more than they would otherwise.

Being fake is presenting the appearance of what you think other people want to see.  It’s about doing things you don’ t like or wouldn’t normally do to impress people you don’t even care about.  Being fake is hard work.

THE RESULT

It’s much easier to begin to allow yourself the freedom to be who you are.  If there are certain things that you’ve always done only because that’s what you’re “supposed to do”, then quit doing them.

One thing you must know is this: people aren’t going to flock to you because you’ve decided to be authentic.  Who you really are will bother or offend some people.  If you’re doing something important, you’ll gain some enemies (or at least you’ll find some people who really don’t like you).

The important thing is to provoke strong emotional responses in the people with whom you come in contact.  People will either love you or hate you, rather than allowing you to just float through their lives as another nameless face in a crowd of fakeness.

A big part of personal development is helping other people.  By taking a stand and being who you are, you will begin to meet people that you can impact positively.

I don’t have the right voice to help everyone I come into contact with.  But, someone I help may be able to help someone that I can’t.  What this personal development journey is all about is doing what you can to become a better person, and making a difference in the lives of others because of that.

Ed. Note: Liz Strauss, over at her great blog, www.successful-blog.com, wrote a great post that’s related to this one.  Not that she got inspiration from this (I’m fairly sure she’s not a reader here), but I think she had a lot to say about honesty in writing and interaction that should be shared.  So, go check it out!

What are some of the situations, people, or other issues in your life that keep you from acting authentically?  What can you do to overcome them?  Let us know in the comments…

Photo courtesy: Search Engine People Blog

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