Start Being Your Best » Leadership

Obligation

Jason — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:00:21 +0000

As I’ve mentioned previously, when I started this blog, it wasn’t really to garner a huge following. Oh, sure: in my crazy dreams I’d think about being a full-time blogger once in a while. But, realistically, I started just as an outlet for some pent-up creativity. I was using this platform to get some stuff off my chest and to work out issues I was struggling with.

When some people began reading the blog, I was very gratified. I started writing consistently twice a week back in March of this year, so it’s been going for about 7 months now. Start Being Your Best currently has a little over 400 subscribers. I don’t talk about subscriber numbers much here because I don’t think it’s really relevant to what I’m doing. I’m not looking to build a huge following/tribe/whatever right now. I’m still looking at this as a location where I can write about things that I think about and are important to me. The only thing that’s changed is that now I can get some feedback, suggestions and discussion that provokes more consideration on my part.

I want to THANK you all for that. Your comments and discussion has been invaluable to me.

What’s struck me recently is that I’ve used the attention that I’ve garnered as something of a motivator to keep going. I’ve created an obligation to you, my readers, that I will consistently post on the topics of self-improvement and leadership.

That’s a good thing. I often need to feel like I’m accountable to someone in order to keep from slacking off. I’m sure many of you feel the same way about things in your life, and are happy to have someone “check up on you” from time to time.

Here’s my question: how far do we take this “obligation situation”? When you create an artificial sense of accountability (as opposed to, say, a parent’s duty to care for their children), how far do you go in order to keep that?

Let’s do a thought experiment, shall we?

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re writing a blog that a certain person relies on for their sole source of support and encouragement (This is PURELY HYPOTHETICAL. I am unaware of anyone who views this particular blog in this manner). Then let’s further assume that, for some reason, you decide it’s time for you to hang up your keyboard. What you’re writing about (let’s keep it easy and say it was a personal development blog) is still relevant and helpful to you, but you’re just not interested in posting your thoughts any more in a public manner.

You quit posting, and in a couple of weeks, you start receiving some form of communication (emails, comments on old posts, whatever) from this one individual that indicates that your decision to stop blogging is negatively impacting their well-being. Take that however you’d like. They could be really bummed out about it, all the way down to emotionally distraught and perhaps a danger to themselves.

This person tells you that the fact that you’ve stopped blogging is what drove them to this state. Furthermore, they assure you that things will get better if you just start writing again.

What’s your obligation here?

As people who are trying to become better, our obligation to our fellow humans is quite large. I believe that we’re put here on this earth to show concern for others. But what does that really mean? Do we need to sacrifice every shred of our own desires in service to our fellow human beings, or are we only obligated to help others if it coincides with our own self-interest? Or is the answer somewhere in between?

These types of commitments could obviously apply to a lot of situations (someone starts a business that has employees who would be adversely affected if that person sells the business, for instance). But what do you think? Are these “social contracts” that we create all the time by implication (you never promised to blog or own that business forever and ever, did you?) actual obligations? I’d be interested to hear all of your comments here.

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Who Are You, Really?

Jason — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:00:53 +0000

The most frequent comment I get from people who correspond to me is that the blog is “extremely personal”. People enjoy the fact that I’m not setting myself up as some expert on the subjects of personal development and leadership, but that I just write from the heart about topics that I care about. I’m just another traveler on the same journey as everyone else who reads this.

The funny thing is that I’m a fairly private person. I definitely wouldn’t talk this much if we were together in real life. I do tend to share a lot of things that I think and feel on this blog that I probably wouldn’t just tell you if we were talking face to face.

Is that a good thing?

Is the fact that so many people seem to appreciate that I “bare my soul” indicative of something more, or is it just curiosity? Should I strive to share more of myself, not only with you readers, but with everyone whom I come into contact?

Can sharing more of who you are with the people around you help you in your personal development? I think it can.

THE PROBLEM

People are social animals. All of us need to be appreciated and understood for who we really are. It’s just that who we really are is seldom seen by those people around us.

We tend to put up a front in all of our interactions with others. Whether due to fear, or simply because we’ve been conditioned to do so, it’s hard for us to allow our true nature to come out.

I’ve known folks (I’m sure you have, as well) who act exactly as they feel. It can be uncomfortable, can’t it? If they’re naturally optimistic, cheery people, others describe them as fake and phony (irony!). And, those who are cynical and irritable come off as jerks.

We who live in society have become so conditioned to people acting in a particular (often politically correct) way that any deviation from this norm bothers us.

But there are times when you want to quit lying, and to genuinely be who you are. You want to make a personal connection with someone, without all the barriers in between.

How do we do it?

THE SOLUTION

You just do it.

You quit lying to yourself and to those around you about who you are on the inside. You stop trying to fit in if you don’t. You find a someone, or a group of someones, that allow you to be who you are.

But what about situations where it would be inappropriate to crack jokes, or get the giggles, or cry? What if acting authentically could get you into trouble? For example, don’t I need to “act professionally” in my business dealings?

First of all, those situations may be less frequent than you think. You need to use your judgment to understand when those times are and when they aren’t. You don’t have to assume it’s never a good time to let down your guard.

Secondly, there’s a difference between “acting professionally” and “being fake”.

Acting professionally falls under the umbrella of “things we do to live together in a society”. If this means you need to tone down the part of you that’s offensive to other people (for whatever reason), so be it. Save those times for when you’re around people who appreciate that side of you. Or, just let it all hang out and see what kinds of people you attract. You’ll drive some folks away, but there are others who will find your honesty refreshing and will be drawn to you more than they would otherwise.

Being fake is presenting the appearance of what you think other people want to see. It’s about doing things you don’ t like or wouldn’t normally do to impress people you don’t even care about. Being fake is hard work.

THE RESULT

It’s much easier to begin to allow yourself the freedom to be who you are. If there are certain things that you’ve always done only because that’s what you’re “supposed to do”, then quit doing them.

One thing you must know is this: people aren’t going to flock to you because you’ve decided to be authentic. Who you really are will bother or offend some people. If you’re doing something important, you’ll gain some enemies (or at least you’ll find some people who really don’t like you).

The important thing is to provoke strong emotional responses in the people with whom you come in contact. People will either love you or hate you, rather than allowing you to just float through their lives as another nameless face in a crowd of fakeness.

A big part of personal development is helping other people. By taking a stand and being who you are, you will begin to meet people that you can impact positively.

I don’t have the right voice to help everyone I come into contact with. But, someone I help may be able to help someone that I can’t. What this personal development journey is all about is doing what you can to become a better person, and making a difference in the lives of others because of that.

Ed. Note: Liz Strauss, over at her great blog, www.successful-blog.com, wrote a great post that’s related to this one. Not that she got inspiration from this (I’m fairly sure she’s not a reader here), but I think she had a lot to say about honesty in writing and interaction that should be shared. So, go check it out!

What are some of the situations, people, or other issues in your life that keep you from acting authentically? What can you do to overcome them? Let us know in the comments…

Photo courtesy: Search Engine People Blog

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Leading Without Being A Leader

Jason — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:00:09 +0000

I find I’m often frustrated with my work and the lack of opportunities I have to take on positions of leadership. Due to the nature of the company that I work for and the industry we’re involved in, it’s simply not feasible to have finance personnel leading cross-functional teams. So, I quite often find myself as a team member, but rarely as a leader.

According to John Maxwell, there are different levels of leadership (check out my review of one of his books and a quick synopsis of the definition of leadership). Even if you’re not familiar with them right off the top of your head, I’m sure you’ve run into them before. The lowest rung on the leadership ladder is “positional leadership”; someone who is a leader by virtue of his or her position. All organizations have these types of leaders. As much as we’d hope that the cream would rise to the top, sometimes the crap rises just as fast.

People who are leaders only by virtue of their position aren’t bad people. Everyone has to start somewhere, right? It’s people who rely on their position to continue leading that are challenging to deal with. If those folks don’t attempt to develop relationships, work hard for the betterment of the organization, and train other leaders around them, then what they’re doing is managing. That’s fine, but as soon as they attempt to influence events outside of the strict hierarchy they’re in charge of, they’re not going to be very effective.

Conversely, you don’t need a position of authority to be a leader. I’ve met a lot of people in my life who “lead from the middle”. Those are the folks in the committee who’s opinion you rely on, regardless of who’s nominally “in charge”.

So, what do those folks do? What do they have that engenders trust and support? There are three key traits that are crucial for any person who wants to be a “middle leader”.

1. Sell Your Ideas. Because they can’t rely on their position to ensure that their ideas are implemented, middle leaders have to be consensus builders. If they volunteer ideas, they have to be sure that everyone will support what they’re trying to accomplish, because they’re in no position to issue marching orders.

These folks identify USPs (unique selling propositions – what does this idea offer that others don’t) and WIIFM (what’s in it for me?) for the group to understand why their ideas are the ones that should be executed. They’re not pushy, but they definitely aren’t afraid to share their opinions, either. And they’re always looking for ways to achieve the final goal of the project.

2. Servant Leadership. Some folks in positional authority think that their job is to approve decisions and delegate all action items to other members of the team. They’re not supposed to get their hands dirty. According to management theory, they’re actually pretty close to correct. But that’s not how real leadership works.

Middle leaders, in contrast, look for ways to serve the group and the group members. Rather than delegating, passing the buck, or simply keeping silent when action items are being handed out, middle leaders are the ones willing to take on the difficult tasks and the tasks that no one else wants.

This is not fun. I’ll admit right up front that I’m not very good at this. The folks that I know who are good at this, however, are the people I’ll follow anywhere.

3. Lead Conversations. I work with a lot of engineers, many of them with Ph.D.s. They’ve been operating at the highest level for a very long time. In my company, even most of the senior management and executives are former engineers. Some are great to work with, and some are pure torture.

Here’s a quick description of the way many of these torture-to-work-with folks think:

Engineers = good at math

Finance = math

Therefore:

Engineers = good at finance

What separates the great-to-work-with ones from the others are that they understand what their role is. I’m the first to admit that I’m not as smart as these guys and ladies. When they talk shop, I honestly have no idea what they’re saying. However, the ones that let me do my job as a financial analyst are the ones that I want to continue to work with.

These great engineers lead conversations. They don’t have all the answers (or, at least they don’t act as though they do). They’re continually asking questions when they’re out of their area of expertise. Even when they’re operating in their area, they still ask questions of others to ensure that all viewpoints are considered and that no alternatives are overlooked.

No one likes a know-it-all. Don’t be that guy. Ask questions and lead conversations if you want others to develop trust in you.

We had a saying in the military: “Salute the uniform”. It meant it didn’t matter whether or not you liked the person in charge, you had to follow them. While I understand why that needed to be the case, it sucked. I worked for some great folks and some not-so-great folks. It was much easier to pop a salute to someone who I respected as a person.

When you lead from the middle, you’ll eventually get the opportunity to lead from the front. You’ll be put into a position of leadership. And, once this happens, you’ll already have bypassed that first stage of leadership where folks follow you for your title. They’ll follow you for who you are. That’s the beginning of true leadership.

Photo courtesy: Highway of Life

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Find Your Tribe

Jason — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:00:45 +0000

I’ve been thinking a lot about community lately, especially after the post I wrote about getting time alone. There are two sides to that coin, I think. So, since I’ve already talked about how important it is for anyone to have time to yourself, I’m going to now talk about how important it is not to take that too far.

I’ve heard stories about people who are members of a very exclusive group of some kind. A group of men and women that have a common purpose and that fight (often literally) for a shared goal. The one that springs to mind readily are units of the armed forces. Many of the stories I’ve heard are of soldiers, sailors and marines from World War II. These men spent months and years of their lives together, away from family and friends, until they literally become family surrogates for each other. Fighting for your lives will do that for you. The same goes for their families back home. Their wives and children had to support each other in the face of tremendous stress and adversity.

These units would have periodic reunions years or even decades later (I recall reading about a lot of these reunions around 10 or 15 years ago, when many of them were at their 50th anniversaries) and it would seem as though no time had passed at all. They would literally pick up where they’d left off, as though not a day had gone by.

I’ve always been extremely jealous of this kind of unity. I didn’t experience it myself in the military; I would bet mainly because I was never deployed and was never in harm’s way. I was a member of some sports teams that were close, but nothing like this. This kind of community can ONLY arise under very special circumstances, such as when:

1. Extended amounts of time are spent together. If you’ve ever read the book Band of Brothers (or seen the miniseries by the same name), you’ll recognize this. The men of Easy Company spent months together in deplorable conditions becoming a team. No breaks, no days off, and no rest. They had to motivate each other through it, because most folks alone wouldn’t have the willpower to finish it. As soon as they finished training, they were dropped into war together, and things became even more intense. This type of closeness and reliance upon each other develops a bond rarely seen outside of these types of conditions.

2. A common adversary presents itself. The adversary could be physical or metaphorical. Perhaps it’s an enemy army, or a crusade against global warming. The people you bond with the most are people with whom you share common interests. If you share a fanatical devotion either for or against these common interests, the bonds developed will be that much stronger. Think about it: if you and another person both enjoy dogs, you may have something to discuss at a dinner party. If you raise the same breed of dogs, you may have cause to contact each other after the party and form a friendship. If you’re the type of people who break into cosmetic testing facilities to release dogs held there, then you may end up joining forces to do something about an issue you’re passionate about. As the level of commitment to the cause rises, so does your commitment to the others involved with you.

3. You’re in the minority. Being a member of a limited group is an incredibly bonding experience. Going back to armed forces analogies for a moment: I was in the Army. If I meet a Navy SEAL, we have (a very small) something in common. However, when that SEAL meets someone who was in Army Spec Ops, or was Force Recon in the Marines, they’ve got a little bit more in common, because they were all parts of elite fighting units that the rest of the military can’t understand. But, when one SEAL meets another SEAL, they are instantly bonded. Even if they’ve not met previously, they know exactly what it takes to become one of the very few, and it means something to them. Though everyone views events and circumstances through different eyes, the SEALs have such a formative experience in their past that they can rely on the other seeing things pretty much the same way. It’s a very special thing to be a SEAL, and each of them knows it. The respect that comes from passing through SEAL training is an automatic seal (no pun intended) of approval.

Seth Godin, in his book Tribes, talks about the fact that crowds are tribes waiting for a leader to give them a voice. Crowds usually only form when there’s a common interest. Perhaps a crowd forms in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, or a crowd on a freeway forms when there’s an accident preventing them from getting past. These types of crowds don’t have much in common, and there really isn’t much one could do to unify them.

However, everyone that’s reading this website is somewhere along the spectrum of moderately interested to insanely passionate about personal development. There could be a tribe here, because everyone is interested in the same issue.

There are also other interests that each of you have, and you’re constantly seeking for other people who share your same passions. You may be the person who can organize the crowd that’s congregating around that passion into a tribe. The question is, how do you give them their voice?

So, what passion do you have that could grow into a tribe? How do you identify other people with the same passion? Once you’ve found them, how do you give them a voice? What can you do this week to find a tribe to become a part of, or to lead? Let us know in the comments…

(Ed. Note – the Amazon links in this post are affiliate links, which means I would get paid a little bit of money if you were to purchase anything through them. If you don’t like that, don’t avoid checking them out just on that basis alone. Just surf on over to Amazon (or the internet retailer of your choice) and find them on your own. Thanks!)

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Procrastination

Jason — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:00:02 +0000

I have a feeling this post will be a lot shorter than the others I’ve written. There aren’t many issues that I cover on this blog where I feel like I’ve got it handled, but this is one. I’m not sure why I’ve developed the OCD-like tendency to get things over with once I begin, but I have. That’s not to say I’m better than anyone else who does struggle with it. I’m just not a procrastinator.

Putting things off makes me physically ill. Honestly, I feel horrible if there is a task hanging over my head, and I can’t enjoy doing anything else until I’ve finished it.

I know, however, that this isn’t the case for many people. I’m not sure how they do it, but some folks are just fine ignoring that voice in the back of their heads that tells them to finish what they start, or start at all. If that’s you, then, quite frankly, you need to get over that. You’re not doing yourself any favors.

I really want to give meaty advice on this site about issues that challenge people. I don’t typically like pat answers, and most of the time things aren’t simply black and white. However, with the issue of procrastination, I don’t know what else to say but, “Don’t”.

Quit putting off what you know you need to do. If you can’t get your hands around the challenges that are facing you, if they seem to nebulous or vague to really know what the next step is, then read about staying on track with your goals. In fact, it might help you to go back through the entire Life Design Series that I ran here and re-evaluate why it is you do what you do.

Start Being Your Best isn’t necessarily a “productivity blog”. So, if you need more tips on putting your life in order, feel free to cruise on over to such awesome sites as Nick Cernis’ Put Things Off, Merlin Mann’s 43 Folders (especially his older stuff), or check out Charley Gilkey over at Productive Flourishing (check out what he wrote about Frogs and Anchors; my thoughts exactly, but more awesomer). If you can’t find the cure for what ails you there, I’m not sure where you can find it.

So there. Right around 400 words, as opposed to the normal 1000+. I hope you’re not disappointed. Get up and do something to move you forward toward reaching your goals. Do it now.

Photo courtesy: Rennett Stowe

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Collaborative Storytelling

Jason — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:00:50 +0000

(So, I’m trying something new. Let me know how you like it (or not). I’ve recorded a companion video, seen below, that tells what I’m trying to say in the following essay. Same information, just a different format. Some like videos, some prefer text. We aim to please here at Start Being Your Best. Also, I bet you didn’t imagine my face for radio would be betrayed by a voice for the written word, did you?)

Raise your hand if you’ve ever played a role-playing game… For those that haven’t, a role-playing game (or RPG for short) involves a group of people. One person, known as the Game Master (or GM), prepares the outline of a plot before hand. He or she determines the setting and has a general idea of what’s going to happen in the story (much like writing a movie or a play). The other people create characters that will interact with the plot the GM has created. It’s their job to operate within the rules of the game and the plot presented to them to solve the mystery, or rescue the country from invaders, or what-have-you.

There are a couple of things that interest me about RPGs. The first is the ambiguity of it. The GM probably takes a lot of time beforehand, setting up scenarios for the players to navigate, puzzles to solve, and creating characters for the players to interact with to advance the story along the path that the GM wants. However, the players are free to navigate through the world in the way they see fit, which often times may be totally different from what the GM intended. In this case, the game goes “off the rails”, and the GM is forced to adapt the plot to the choices that have been made by the players that he hadn’t intended.

The second is the collaborative nature of the process. As opposed to regular board games, where one person or team is trying to beat all the other people or teams playing, RPGs require everyone to work together to essentially create a story out of nothing. Sure, the GM writes the framework before hand (where the players start and the end result of the game), but how the players go about getting from point A to point Z is entirely up to them. Give and take is necessary on everyone’s part. A GM can’t come to the game with too many preconceptions as to how the players should accomplish the plot, or he’ll end up forcing the players to act in accordance with how he thinks they should act. This diminishes the players options and can prevent them from feeling they have any say in how the game is played. Conversely, the players have to pay attention to the scenarios presented for clues as to what will advance the plot the GM has created for them. If they see that the GM has clearly planned for events to occur in a certain location, they shouldn’t try to go the opposite direction simply to prove their autonomy. In that event, the plot dies and no one has any fun.

So, what’s the point? Why am I talking about RPGs and collaborative story telling on my blog about personal development for people in crisis?

1. Your life is a story. I believe there’s a plan. It may not be obvious, and it certainly doesn’t go in the direction that we expect all the time, but there’s an ongoing plot.

2. The plot is fluid. In the story of life, we have people coming in and out of the plot all the time. You choose how they impact it, though. Circumstances are external to who we really are. How we respond to those circumstances, even the ones that are created by others and are out of our control, is where the story is written. You can choose to let the circumstances sweep you up, drifting along through the good and the bad, or you can choose to take control, and bend the circumstances to your will. Ambiguity around those decisions will always remain, but make sure to eliminate as much as possible by making responsible choices.

3. The characters are yours to include or remove. This may be the most important of all. You’re the main character in your life, but if there weren’t any other characters, it’d be pretty boring. Other people are going to be involved in what you do and how you advance the story of your life. John Donne said “No man is an island”. No matter how introverted you think you are, you need contact with other people. Humans are social creatures and we need interaction with those around us, especially when we’re in a time of need.

Look to include characters in the story of your life that advance the plot in a good way. Remove those who inhibit the plot from developing at all, or who are intent on ruining the game for everyone. The most important thing to remember is you make that decision. It’s up to you who you allow to help build your story. Choose your friends and mentors wisely, because they can direct the flow of your plot in ways that often times are not known to you until much later on.

Recognizing that my life is much like the plot of a story that I tell with the people around me has been helpful, because it’s caused me to think of the people involved as characters. Now that I view myself not only as a character in the story (moved by the circumstances), but as the author (in charge of developing the circumstances), I’ve come to realize that I need to pay close attention to who I let into my story.

Without naming names (unless you want to), have you made some poor decisions as to who you allow to tell your story with you? What are some strategies you’ve developed for getting those negative influences out? What about good influences? Where can those characters come from? Let us know in the comments…

Also, let me know how you feel about the video. Do you like it? Dislike it? Feel totally ambiguous about it? Don’t worry, I can take it.

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A Plea For a Return to Decency

Jason — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 12:00:17 +0000

At the outset, I realize that this particular post is a bit of an odd one. It will be even more strange once I get through with it. I think it may come off more like a rant than anything I’ve previously published on this site.

I’d like to talk about manners and humility, and their almost total absence from today’s society. In a world filled with “Marketing Gurus” and “CSS Experts” and “Code Wizards”, humble people seem in short supply. I realize that the actual meanings of most of the words that are thrown around today in describing one’s proficiency have been so diluted as to bear almost no resemblance to what they used to mean. But, it’s frustrating to someone who was raised to not toot his own horn.

I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while, but it’s become even more evident to me now that I have a son of my own. I’m trying to raise him the way I was raised, and I’ve come to see that a lot of the manners I was taught (don’t wear a hat in a building, for instance, or requiring children to address adults as “Mr. or Mrs. Whatever”) aren’t in vogue any more. I now look back and realize that I might have been one of the only kids when I was growing up who practiced these habits. Since people of my age weren’t taught them, they’re certainly not teaching them to their kids, right?

Another thing: children today are being raised in a society that no longer condones failure as a learning experience. We wrap our kids up in padding, never allowing them to skin a knee or stub a toe. Parents hover over them at all times, catching them as they slip and praising them for every little thing they do. At the end of the season, we’ve not kept track of winning and losing, so no one knows who the best players were. We’ll just give everyone a trophy. This results in a “me, too” attitude and an unfair sense of entitlement.

Programs in our public schools contribute to teaching to the slowest children in the class, rather than to the smartest (or even to the average). We train our children how to take tests, rather than assimilate knowledge, draw conclusions, and develop synergies. We focus on outcomes, rather than processes, and are stunned when kids graduate from high school barely knowing how to read.

All of these factors contribute to a lack of understanding that life isn’t teed up for you like a baseball. Real life has curves and sliders and even an occasional knuckleball. It’s not always going to be as easy as you’ve been led to believe, and (gasp!) you might not be as good at everything as your mom told you you were.

I read on a daily basis articles about “building your personal brand”, that tell me to brag on myself and my accomplishments. ”If you don’t,” they ask me “who will?” How is a young person supposed to stand out from an ever-growing crowd of job seekers, vying for an HR representative’s attention if they don’t shout their skills from the rooftops?

Whatever happened to developing relationships with people built on trust? On paying your dues and giving away a quality effort to demonstrate that you knew what you’re doing? When did we become so self-centered that we’re not looking out for our friends, but instead are willing to step over or on anyone who isn’t in a position to directly influence our careers?

I know that not everyone is like this. There are some people out there who still are looking for ways to help people achieve what they’re looking for, rather than advancing their own agenda. The reason they stand out to me is because that’s the way I was raised, and because it seems like there are so few other people out there who were.

I was raised to believe that winning and losing were important, because it gave you a marker of excellence to strive for. I wasn’t told that I’d done okay when I really hadn’t. I was told that there are standards in life and that I needed to live up to them if I wanted to succeed. I was told to do things for other people without them knowing, or at the very least, not broadcasting them for everyone to hear. Humility, concern for others, and good manners were the rules of the home I grew up in. Narcissism, rudeness, and brashness were not.

I’m not entirely sure what I hope to accomplish with this post. I don’t really have any spectacular ideas on how to combat this trend, other than it’s up to each and every one of us. We all can take stock of how we live our daily lives, and determine that we need to be on the lookout for people who aren’t speaking up for themselves. Perhaps those are the people that we need to recognize, rather than the ones that scream the loudest or wear the flashiest clothes. I want my son to have more than just my wife and I for an example of how people are supposed to treat other people, and how one is supposed to present onesself to those around them.

Now all you kids better get off my lawn, or I’m calling the police.

What about you? Am I way off base here? Are “the old ways” of doing things not worth much in today’s society for a reason? Let me have it in the comments…

Photo courtesty: Mel B.

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Book Review – “Developing the Leader Within You” by John C. Maxwell, part 2

Jason — Fri, 15 May 2009 12:00:43 +0000

Ed. Note – This is the second part of my review of this book. There was just too much to say about it for one post.

In the first part of this review, I covered the first five chapters of the book that first got me interested in leadership and personal development, way back in 1998. Let’s continue…

Chapter 6 – The Extra Plus in Leadership – Attitude

“Your attitude in life determines your altitude”. “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it”. I’m sure you can think of many more tired cliches to exemplify the importance of attitude in a successful life. I’m not a rah-rah kind of guy. I don’t get super-hyped up about many things in life; no screaming at the TV (unless the Mariners ever make a World Series) or anything like that. However, I believe that these statements and the many others I didn’t list about the necessity of a good attitude are overused precisely because they’re true. If you have a poor attitude, a tendency to look at the glass as half-empty instead of half-full, or just to be a downer, then you’re not going to get very far. People aren’t attracted to others who don’t make them feel good, and if you’re negative all the time, you’re not going to feel good about yourself or those around you. Attitude is extremely important.

Chapter 7 – Developing Your Most Appreciable Asset – People

No one leads in a vacuum. If you don’t have other people following you, you’re not a leader. And, if you are concerned about the people that you lead eventually leaving you, you’re limiting yourself and your visions. The ability to develop other people into leaders is a force multiplier. If you can raise up an army, you’ll do well on your own. However, if you can raise up leaders of other armies, you’ll have allies in your quest. By developing leaders, you don’t just attract more followers. You engender loyalty in those you’ve trained in the past, and they’ll be willing to journey along with you to achieve your dreams. Viewing other people as individuals, not as numbers, is crucial to your own success.

Chapter 8 – The Indispensable Quality of Leadership – Vision

Vision is what drives a leader to become more than what they currently are. They see things as the way they should be, not as they are, and they formulate plans to make the changes necessary to get there. It’s amazing, but many people are so set in their ways that they cannot imagine life being any different than what it currently is. A leader not only has a vision for the way things should be, they also have the ability to pass that vision on to others. If you can’t articulate the way things should be, you’ll never be able to convince other people it’s worthwhile to come along with you.

Chapter 9 – The Price Tag of Leadership – Self-Discipline

Oh my word, I hate this one. It’s really not much fun to do things that you don’t want to do, but sometimes it’s necessary. Self-discipline is about subjugating the things you want to have or do in order to be able to achieve the things that you have to do. What you have to do is achieve your vision. What you need to eliminate is anything that’s going to get in the way of achieving the goal you’ve set in the timeline you’ve set it. If you’re trying to finish a master’s degree in order to get a job that will provide a better standard of living for you and those you love, then you might have to give up things like Friday and Saturday night at the bar, football games on Sunday, or playing XBox in the evenings. You’d much rather be doing something fun, but you know that what you’re doing instead is better in the long run. You have to focus on the results of the activities you’re doing, not on the activities themselves.

Chapter 10 – The Most Important Lesson of Leadership – Staff Development

This chapter combines a lot of the teaching from chapters 2 and 7. You need to take the time to develop the people around you, and you identify those folks using the 80/20 principle. You encourage everyone in your organization, but you need to invest time with those who are already making a difference. The people who will rise up as leaders will self-select. They’ll show you they want to be leaders by how they work and achieve results. It’s all about teamwork; people pulled together by a common purpose. Maxwell went on to write another book called Developing the Leaders Around You, which delves more deeply into this subject.

As you can see, I really do love this book. There are so many things to think about and focus on in my own life. The central truth I always take away from reading this is that I have to become a person I’d want to follow before anyone else will come alongside me.

If you’re interested in purchasing a copy, you can find Developing the Leader Within Youat Amazon (that’s an affiliate link, btw).

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Book Review – “Developing the Leader Within You” by John C. Maxwell, part 1

Jason — Tue, 12 May 2009 12:00:56 +0000

As I’ve mentioned previously, one of my favorite personal development authors is John C. Maxwell. I just love the topics he writes about. He provides practical strategies and guidelines that a person can put into practice immediately, using case studies to exemplify his points. There’s not a whole lot of extraneous fluff, just solid application.

I first read Developing the Leader Within You (aff.)
when I was 21 years old, a college drop out, and living in a van down by the river (just kidding; I was living in a rented room on the back of a house in a bad part of town. Not sure which is worse). I’ve read it at least five other times in the eleven years since then, and every time I have to use a different color highlighter to call out stuff I’ve missed previously. It speaks to me each time I pick it up, because I see so many areas that I need to focus on in my own life, before I can begin to lead others. You lead yourself first before anyone else.

Maxwell discusses 10 traits that an individual needs to focus on in his or her own life, in order to become more effective in their leadership roles. We’ll cover the first five in this entry, and hit the final five next time. I’d do it all at once, but the first five are over 1000 words already. I make sure you get your money’s worth here, but 2000 words seemed a little excessive.

Chapter 1 – The Definition of Leadership – Influence

Being able to cause other people to move in the direction that they need to go to achieve the aims of the organization is all there is to being a leader. Whether or not that direction is correct (or even right, if you follow the difference) is irrelevant. You only become a leader by gaining followers. Maxwell notes that many people would define leadership as a position, not as the ability to influence, but that’s only one facet of being a leader. You are initially given a position of authority, but people don’t follow positions; they follow people. The only way to become a leader is to invest the time and energy into an organization (and the people that make up that organization) to prove that you’re someone worth following. As Maxwell says, quoting an old statement, “A man who thinks he’s a leader, but who has no one following, is merely taking a walk”.

Chapter 2 – The Key to Leadership – Priorities

As a leader, you need to set priorities. Maxwell discusses the Pareto Principle, which states that an organization derives 80 percent of its results from 20 percent of its people. You can’t do everything for everyone in your organization, so you need to take the time and effort to prioritize. Work in the areas which will produce the greatest return, and don’t focus on areas that aren’t high yielding. This goes for people, projects, and everything else. Ruthlessly protect the priorities you’ve set, because it’s impossible to do everything.

Chapter 3 – The Most Important Ingredient of Leadership – Integrity

Integrity. That’s what it’s all about. Most people, I think, have a concept in their mind of what the word “integrity” means. It means you don’t lie, or mislead, you keep your word, and all that other stuff. That certainly is a part of what integrity is, but the definition is actually more broad. It’s “the state of being complete, unified”. It means that who you are on the outside is the same as who you are on the inside. You don’t present one persona to your friends and another to your business associates; you are who you are, no matter what company you’re in. If you can demonstrate this quality to those you’re attempting to influence, they’ll realize they can trust you. They’ll begin to know that you will do what you say you’re going to do, and that allows them to have confidence in the vision you’re trying to sell. If they don’t think you’ll pave the way for the organization to reach the goals it’s set, or that you’ll give up in the middle of the process, you’ll never develop much of a following.

Chapter 4 – The Ultimate Test of Leadership – Creating Positive Change

What people are looking for in a leader is someone who can create positive change in the organization. A leader brings not only new goals and visions, but the means to get from where the organization currently is to where it needs to be. The sad fact is that many people will resist change, because it’s scary. They don’t know what’s going to be around the next bend in the road, and so they’re more secure with the situation they know. Even if the vision of where the group is going is better than where they are, a lot of people won’t be up for it. It is the true test for a leader: to motivate those in the organization who are resistant to change, or find ways to work through the challenges without them. And, let’s not forget that the first change that has to occur in any organization is within the leader him/herself. You have to motivate yourself to become better before anyone else will believe you can help them improve their own situation.

Chapter 5 – The Quickest Way to Gain Leadership – Problem Solving

What people are looking for in a leader is the ability to get them from where they are to where they need to be (as was stated earlier). In order to do that, the leader has to be able to solve the challenges that arise in the way of the organizations’ goals. One of the most important abilities a leader must possess is the ability to discern between a problem and an environment. Problems are things that can be controlled or changed; environments are things that cannot. A leader has to identify the issues that can be changed, and find ways to work around the issues that can’t.

So, that’s it for the first five chapters. We’ll finish up with the final five soon. If you’re interested in purchasing a copy, you can find Developing the Leader Within Youat Amazon (that’s an affiliate link, btw).

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The Problem with Productivity

Jason — Tue, 05 May 2009 12:00:56 +0000

There’s a movement that’s been going strong for a few years; I’m sure many of you are aware of it. It’s called “lifehacking”. It’s all about making your life easier by developing certain habits or utilizing certain tools to complete tasks more quickly and efficiently.

I don’t have a problem with this. Improving efficiency is a great thing. In fact, this blog is all about taking steps to form good habits to become a better person. By definition, good habits are going to make you more productive and efficient.

What I oftentimes think is missing, though, is an emphasis on effectiveness. Doing the right things, as opposed to doing things the right way. There’s so much emphasis on “being productive” and making sure all our ducks are in a row, that I’m concerned that we don’t check to make sure we’ve got the right ducks to begin with (if you follow my cliche/metaphor).

Let’s talk about productivity and how it’s being approached in the world today.

There’s an extremely popular productivity system out there called “Getting Things Done“, or GTD for short. I’m not going to rehash the details for you; you can look anywhere on the ‘net for that. What I am going to say is that the emphasis in GTD is on getting things done (obviously), not necessarily on getting the right things done. I’ve read the book and practiced the system myself, and I’ve found that there’s little to no real emphasis on discerning whether or not the things you’re running through the system to accomplish are actually tasks that you should be focused on in the first place. It’s taken for granted that all the tasks you pursue are worthwhile.

The author, David Allen, talks about capturing all the demands on your time and making lists of things that need to be done when you have the opportunity. This is great, but how is a person supposed to determine what’s really the most important task that needs to occur? Rather than focusing on the most urgent problem, shouldn’t you focus on the most important?

There’s a difference between urgency and importance. I know everyone understands this on a theoretical level, but it’s really hard to put it into practice sometimes. Typically what happens is whatever is most urgent moves to the top of our list of “priorities” (ringing telephones, or the TPS reports that have to have a new coversheet or whatever). The things that are truly important (time with family and friends, or working on some task that truly has intrinsic meaning to us) get shoved down the queue. GTD assumes some pre-screening of inputs. It assumes that everything you currently do is something that you not only want to be doing, but is contributing to your life in a positive manner. After years of living unintentionally, I don’t think that’s a fair assumption to make.

The Franklin Covey (FC) system, however, approaches things differently. Rather than beginning with accumulating all the tasks and “stuff” you need to take care of, the Franklin Covey system requires that you determine what’s really important to you. From that determination of your values and missions, you work your way down, finally creating tasks that move you closer to your goals.

This method also presents problems, because things come up in life that, while not necessarily aligned with your “personal mission statement”, have to be done. What do you do with those urgent, but not terribly important, tasks that keep you occupied for long periods of time? FC says you just throw them on your calendar’s task list and you knock them out when you get around to it. However, it doesn’t tell you how you should tackle the list, or when you need to focus on doing urgent tasks as opposed to important ones.

GTD doesn’t provide a framework for determining what should occupy your attention; it only provides a means to ensure that you don’t lose track of things. Franklin Covey is great for determining what really matters most to you, but doesn’t really provide much of a framework for handling those tasks that just seem to pop up and demand your time.

There’s a better way.

In order to be what I view as a “complete person”, you need to focus on things that are important to you, while still getting things done. You need to be able to capture all the demands on your time before you forget them, and then be able to make value judgments on them. You need to have a framework within which you can judge, not only the urgency of the tasks in front of you, but their importance. You need to know what the long-term repercussions will be if you ignore one urgent task or another to focus on something else. Will dropping that obligation have any real long-term impact toward getting you where you want to go in life?

Once you’ve taken the time to really figure out your true priorities in life, you have to ensure that you’re really allocating time to them in accordance with how important you claim they are. If you say your family comes first, but you’re missing Timmy’s T-Ball games so you can work another 14-hour day, then you need to reevaluate. Either your family isn’t as important to you as you claim it is, or your job has taken over that priority level without you resisting.

On the other hand, there are always going to be things that come up in life that you have no control over and that only you can handle. This is why you need to adhere to some kind of habit to capture all these tasks, and where it’s important to have a good handle on the “bottom’s up” picture that a system such as GTD provides.

I believe that people waste a lot of time because they don’t really know what it is they need to accomplish at any given time. This means people need to understand the roles they have (spouse, parent, employee, etc.) and how each role helps them realize their priorities. Essentially, folks need to do an ROI (Return on Investment) analysis on their lives. Where do they spend too much time for too little reward (be that money, acknowledgment, fame, whatever)? Conversely, where could they spend more time and reap larger and more satisfying rewards?

Areas in your life (called “contexts” in GTD parlance) should fairly well match up with the values you’ve determined previously. Every context should serve to advance your values somehow; at the very least, it shouldn’t actively fight against it. If one context in your life is preventing you from realizing a value, you know you have a problem.

Within every context, there can be any number of “projects”. By making a list of all the projects (for those unfamiliar with GTD, a project is anything that will take more than one discrete task to accomplish) you’re responsible for, you can reduce psychic stress and procrastination by thoroughly defining the problem. Once you’ve gotten every project you are aware of out of your head and into a system where you can see it constantly, you’ll no longer be worried that you’re forgetting something. It’ll also allow you to see where you’ve committed to spend your time. If you find that you’re spending too much time on a job (to pick an easy and popular target) that doesn’t pay enough money and provides more than your fair share of stress, now you know what the true issue is.

Once you’ve defined the problem by understanding what you’re committed to, it’s a simple effort to figure out how to get from where you are to where you need to be. You can then quit worrying about all you have to do and simply start doing it, by making a step-by-step ”roadmap” of sorts to achieve those projects. You begin wherever you’re currently at, and then get to work.

By taking the time to finish all that life dumps on your plate (the urgent), you’ll allow yourself to focus on getting to a place where you can do what’s really important to you. Approaching life from both a top-down and bottom-up view gives you the best of both worlds.

Photo courtesy: GlennFleishman

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