From the category archives:

Learning

I received an email a few weeks ago from a reader who was looking for some advice.  This reader was fairly young, just out of high school, and had purchased a ticket to fly off on a trip.  She was looking for some confirmation that she was doing the right thing.

She told me that it wasn’t that she felt like there had been anything wrong in her life up until that point, but she just didn’t get a sense that she’d had any adventure and was feeling kind of unhappy about this.  She didn’t want to frame this trip as her “running away from home”, especially since she planned on returning after her trip.  However, by the same token, she didn’t want to let any of her friends and family know where she had gone, for fear that they would try to stop her.

Our fair reader was concerned as to how her family would react to finding a note in her bed the morning that she left, and whether it would ruin their relationship when she returned.  On the other hand, she didn’t want want folks discouraging her from going.  ”What should I do?” was the gist of her email.

I told her that she needed to tell her parents, because it would be very traumatic for any parent to be in that situation.  I know I’d lose it if my son ever did something like that when he grew up.  I wouldn’t be angry, though.  After I’d gotten over the initial shock, I’d just be hurt that he didn’t feel like he could trust me to support him.

So many times in life, we miss out on opportunities to find people who can support us in what we want to do because we’re too scared to let them know.  Whether it be through fear of ridicule or anger, we just don’t want to make an effort to share what’s really important to us.  Opening up like that is hard.

I know that there have been times in my life where I’ve been faced with a situation where I just KNEW I was supposed to tell someone about something I was planning on doing, but was hesitant to be open with them.  Every time I’ve fought the fear and did it anyway, it worked out for the best.  I’ve found support and encouragement, and even some concrete assistance in what I’ve wanted to accomplish.

Have faith in people.  Trust that the vast majority of folks around you care about you and want you to do what is best for YOU.  If you find some that don’t have your best interests at heart, just ignore them and move on.  But the vast majority of times, you find people dying to share in your Story and willing to do whatever they can to make it better.

Photo courtesy: MarinaAvila

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I was reading some announcements about the retirement of Randy Johnson today.  For those of you who don’t know, Randy Johnson is at least in the conversation, if not the front-runner, for the greatest left handed pitcher of all time in baseball.  Don’t worry, this isn’t a baseball post.

One of the reactions I read was from a writer by the name of Jeff Pearlman.  I used to read Pearlman consistently, but this post shows why I stopped.  It’s whiny and condescending, and blames another person just for being who they are.  The complaint isn’t germane to Johnson retiring and seems needlessly petty and confrontational.  Pearlman does this a lot.

Was Johnson a jerk on the days he pitched?  From everything I’ve heard, he definitely could be.  Does that really matter?  Nope.  Why did Pearlman feel like he needed to say this?  I have no idea.

I see a lot of people (and I’ve been guilty of it myself) who will deflect blame onto someone else, even when there really isn’t any blame to be had.  Be it through petty sniping behind someone’s back, passive-aggressive statements toward people we don’t enjoy being around, or through some other means, criticism and complaining doesn’t solve any problems.  It may make you feel better, but it’s not going to make anything actually be better.

Harry Truman had a sign on his desk saying, “The Buck Stops Here”.  This statement has become almost ubiquitous in our society, but the actual meaning is often ignored.

You, and I, and everyone else we come into contact with is responsible for one thing, and one thing only:  our response to circumstances.  We can’t control how other’s act, or what Life dumps in our paths.  What we can control is how we react to it.  We can handle things with dignity and grace, and rise above the mud, or we can wallow in it with the other pigs.  It’s as simple as that.

When we react defensively, or out of spite or envy toward someone else, we’re really showing how little we trust ourselves to be able to solve our own problems.  We demonstrate that we have no faith in being able to rise above, that we’re content to be mired in our situations, and that we don’t have the initiative or drive to solve a problem ourselves (or find someone who can provide support in doing so).

Take charge of your own life by refusing to allow negative circumstances to turn you into a whiner.  Don’t be Jeff Pearlman.  Be Harry Truman.

Photo courtesy: The Harry S. Truman Library and Museum

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